How do I describe life with an Aspie? Well, it can be filled with unbelievable frustration, unimaginable hilarity, and awe struck wonder. There are moments when you just want to pull your hair out. Moments when you want to drop to the floor and roll around in laughter. There are moments with you just shake your head because you just don't know where some of the stuff comes from.
While many people think differently, Autism and Asperger's are classified as mental disorders much like bipolarism, depression, and schizophrenia. Genetics play a part in all of these conditions, but there are some differences. The way I understand it is that bipolarism, etc. are a result of chemical imbalances in the brain that can lead to a wide range in mood swings, paranoia, and hallucinations. Autism and Asperger's effect how the brain and the nervous system work. People with these conditions have a delay in the development of language, communication, and social interaction. The best way for me to describe Asperger's (which is a high functioning form of Autism) is they think differently than we do. I know our DD does.
For example, if you try to ask someone with Asperger's a "yes" or "no" question and expect a "yes" or "no" answer in return, all I have to say is good luck with that. You will either get a PhD dissertation or a blank stare. There is no in between. Another example is how they go about doing something. When it comes to fixing her plate for supper, DD takes FOREVER. She has so many more steps to get the food on her plate, her utensils, and drink than us, but it is the difference in the way she processes things and the way we do.
People with Asperger's get obsessed with things that they love. They can remember the most minute detail about their obsession and recall that fact with clarity out of the blue, but often times they can't recall what you asked them to do repeatedly. It isn't done out of insubordination. It is simply because it isn't important to them. Another thing they have problems with is following more than one direction at a time. They can remember how to put together a Lego play set from memory, but can't follow two or three instructions given at one time.
Aspie's have OCD tendencies and DO NOT like change. They like have a routine and to be on a schedule. They have their day ordered and planned out. They do this as a means of comfort and control. It also helps them cope with the anxiety they feel in any given situation. The bad thing about this is that they don't share their plans or ask others for their input, then when everything doesn't go according to their plans it spins them out of control and lead to lash out and major meltdowns.
As a child, DD exhibited a lot of these behaviors. We were told since she was a premiere that she would have a lot of sensitivity issues, but the things we were seeing went beyond that. Often times, we contributed these behaviors to being stubborn, insubordinate, and laziness. After a meltdown, we felt like we were crazy because we couldn't really describe what was going on with her or what caused it. Little did we realize we were using some of the behavior mods that are recommended for Aspie's.
Since her diagnosis and learning more about Asperger's, I let a lot of things. I try not to get upset when she doesn't answer a simple question with a "yes" or "no." I try to give DD one direction at a time. I don't push for perfection on somethings, simply because she isn't physically capable of it. Some of the odd behaviors that would drive me up the wall are simply ignored. They are just part of who she is.
The one behavior we won't ignore is the anger that comes when her routine or schedule is interrupted. She gets very upset when we don't act according to her plans, plans that we aren't clued into. Plans, we are somehow to know about magically. Often her anger is taken out on me, because I am the one she is around the most. We remind her daily that her plans may not be our plans or the plans of others and that she needs to learn to let things happen. If there is a big change coming to her world, we encourage her to talk to us about it. We know that change causes her great anxiety and when that anxiety builds up, it results in a meltdown. The older she gets the better she is at sharing what is bothering her.
The journey we have been on since DD was born has been a wild one, full of ups and downs. Full of times we thought we were crazy and the ones with the problem. Full of knowing something wasn't right, but being unable to put it into words. Full of of comfort and relief when the diagnosis was confirmed. Full of learning how to cope and learning to let go. It is a journey we wouldn't wish upon anyone, but one we wouldn't change. One where we realized "We Are Asperger's."
If you are a parent who is struggling with a child that may be exhibiting odd behaviors that you can't really put into words or a trying to understand why your child seems to think differently or act differently than others, seek help. Ask your pediatrician or family doctor for help. Talk to special ed teachers. Talk to other parents. Advocate for child. Learn for your child and for yourself.
Having a child diagnosised with Autism or Asperger's is a hard thing to wrap your mind around, but it is NOT the end of the world. Your world will be different and at times it may seem harsh, but the moments of joy and love will more than make up for it. Embrace the difference and be the family God designed you to be. I am confident in the belief that God wouldn't have gave us our Aspie if He didn't think we could handle it. He gave us our Aspie for a reason and we may never know why. For know it is enough for me to know and to claim "We Are Asperger's!"
Aspie's have OCD tendencies and DO NOT like change. They like have a routine and to be on a schedule. They have their day ordered and planned out. They do this as a means of comfort and control. It also helps them cope with the anxiety they feel in any given situation. The bad thing about this is that they don't share their plans or ask others for their input, then when everything doesn't go according to their plans it spins them out of control and lead to lash out and major meltdowns.
As a child, DD exhibited a lot of these behaviors. We were told since she was a premiere that she would have a lot of sensitivity issues, but the things we were seeing went beyond that. Often times, we contributed these behaviors to being stubborn, insubordinate, and laziness. After a meltdown, we felt like we were crazy because we couldn't really describe what was going on with her or what caused it. Little did we realize we were using some of the behavior mods that are recommended for Aspie's.
Since her diagnosis and learning more about Asperger's, I let a lot of things. I try not to get upset when she doesn't answer a simple question with a "yes" or "no." I try to give DD one direction at a time. I don't push for perfection on somethings, simply because she isn't physically capable of it. Some of the odd behaviors that would drive me up the wall are simply ignored. They are just part of who she is.
The one behavior we won't ignore is the anger that comes when her routine or schedule is interrupted. She gets very upset when we don't act according to her plans, plans that we aren't clued into. Plans, we are somehow to know about magically. Often her anger is taken out on me, because I am the one she is around the most. We remind her daily that her plans may not be our plans or the plans of others and that she needs to learn to let things happen. If there is a big change coming to her world, we encourage her to talk to us about it. We know that change causes her great anxiety and when that anxiety builds up, it results in a meltdown. The older she gets the better she is at sharing what is bothering her.
The journey we have been on since DD was born has been a wild one, full of ups and downs. Full of times we thought we were crazy and the ones with the problem. Full of knowing something wasn't right, but being unable to put it into words. Full of of comfort and relief when the diagnosis was confirmed. Full of learning how to cope and learning to let go. It is a journey we wouldn't wish upon anyone, but one we wouldn't change. One where we realized "We Are Asperger's."
If you are a parent who is struggling with a child that may be exhibiting odd behaviors that you can't really put into words or a trying to understand why your child seems to think differently or act differently than others, seek help. Ask your pediatrician or family doctor for help. Talk to special ed teachers. Talk to other parents. Advocate for child. Learn for your child and for yourself.
Having a child diagnosised with Autism or Asperger's is a hard thing to wrap your mind around, but it is NOT the end of the world. Your world will be different and at times it may seem harsh, but the moments of joy and love will more than make up for it. Embrace the difference and be the family God designed you to be. I am confident in the belief that God wouldn't have gave us our Aspie if He didn't think we could handle it. He gave us our Aspie for a reason and we may never know why. For know it is enough for me to know and to claim "We Are Asperger's!"
***********************
To learn more about Autism and Aspereger's Syndrome, go to the Autism Speaks website. You will find a wealth of information and it is a good place to get started. Getting and being informed is an important first step. It simply takes a leap of faith!
No comments:
Post a Comment